An acquaintance, along with his colleague, wrote a book entitled Why You Can’t Be Anything You Want to Be. Some may take this claim as an attack. In truth, however, the authors are motivated by love and respect for readers who have permitted the culture and personal circumstances to direct their life goals. The main claim is that you are a unique individual whose journey through life should be carefully crafted to match that uniqueness. Rather than being a product of all your past life experiences, you are designed to offer unique gifts and skills to your family, friends, and community. The rewards for authentic decision-making and contributing unique gifts are wholeness, satisfaction, and peace.
Crafting your role can be difficult. Take this explanation by J.T. O’Donnell, for instance:
We've been trained to seek out incentives like good grades, stickers, trophies, and yes, praise. We like to be liked. More important, we like to be respected. We want people to be impressed with us. It gives us a temporary feeling of happiness. The problem is we end up making career choices to impress other people so we can feel that fleeting rush of validation. In the process, we lose sight of what makes us truly happy. With each career move, we get unhappier. The more we try to impress, the more frustrated we feel.
O’Donnell calls this praise addiction. Praise-seeking behavior submits decision power to other people. And when tuning your aspirations to the (presumed) response of others whose opinions you care about, or to fictional characters who you desire to emulate, your uniqueness is cancelled, and the strength of your giftedness is muted. In some cases, your gifts are sealed from the natural flow of living, as if contained behind a dam. Frustration, doubt, and dissatisfaction ensue.
Clues that many of us are dissatisfied with work abound, the most recent of which has been proclaimed “The Great Resignation.” Hannah Cox writes,
Large numbers of Americans transitioned to working from home last year, and now that they’ve enjoyed the quality of life increase that remote work brings they are unwilling to return to the monotony of a desk-job. Lots of managers have announced plans to bring employees back to the office this fall, and it seems many people are simply unwilling to do so. And given the plethora of open jobs at the moment, the best workers have their pick of employment.
I have heard a handful of friends or associates say the best thing that ever happened to them was losing a job, even being fired from one. “I got to ask myself what I really want to do,” they said. For many, thinking about changing a career or unintentional job loss triggers thoughts of a seemingly drastic chain of events that will completely alter how they survive. But that is the point, is it not?
Perhaps the pandemic disruption has uprooted you from contexts in which praise addiction has gone largely unchecked. Now from the home vista you can look at your work if not more objectively, at least with a bias in favor of your true values and preferences. Acknowledging, owning, and operating from your unique values and gifts is central to your professional development. High achievement and commensurate success requires energy and commitment beyond attempting to live up to others’ expectations.
For a 30-Day reading schedule of Brene’ Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection visit kennethbandy.online.